Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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