i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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