I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
