Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My bed smells like the plague
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