I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
