dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
