I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
