i was born a porn star she said
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
there is glitter all over my balls
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
