he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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