I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
