Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
