dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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