Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
