after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
