I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
