I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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