I think i peed on brittanys purse
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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