Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
