I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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