just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
