there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
