why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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