He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
