My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
