Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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