apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
