I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize