the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
