I think I am morally bankrupt
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
