Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
