can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You took a bar mat shot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
