I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
