Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
