So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he thought i was a dude.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
