Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
