Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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