I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
