god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My vagina just clenched in fear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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