The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
