Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
