Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
