yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
