What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
