please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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