As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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