Screwed.edu
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
