I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
