puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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