You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
