how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
