So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
